winning over whinning, slowly

right on time, sienna dashed out of the ballet studio after her class. instead of running to me, she threw herself on the stairs, crying and whining. the teacher went to attend her ahead of me, "what's wrong?" apparently, sienna hinted that she wanted more of those gummy bears and the teacher didn't pick up enough hints. not anything i would recommend, but the teacher gives out goodies to keep her 3 little ballerinas on their toes. siennan got what she wanted. i watched all these unfolded without saying much in front of everybody.

coming home in the car, i started to address the issue, "you know candies are not good for you. but if you really want them, you have to ask nicely, not by having a fit." she was quick to apologize, "i am sorry mommy, i won't do it again." i didn't want to let go so easily, "that's nice. but we will have to do something about it. which one do you want to pass for your whining today, seaweed snack or your after dinner popsicle?" she didn't want to give up either. "then i will do away with the seaweed," i declared. "no, mommy, popsicle," she decided. and that was the deal.

the essence of the deal is to avoid whining on the parent's part when a kid starts whins. the best thing about the deal is that she is free to do it again, each time with a more conscious recognition of the consequences. with consistency and patience, i don't just help to curb her whining. in a long run, i make her take resposibility for her actions of whining or anything else.