It's not about Spanking
A mother I knew over the internet was really upset because she spanked her otherwise very well-behaved son. After some serious self-examination, she vowed not to ever spank him again. In my opinion, spanking is not a big issue here as the fact that the mother lost self-control and did what she didn't intend to do.
We need some form of punishment and rewards in raising a child. Let it be spanking or time-out or deprivation of privileges. I tell my daughter again and again by words and by action what she will get as a result when she does something or does do something. I even allow her to act up the way she wants, given that she gets her punishment afterwards.
There should be clear rules as what are punishable. So that the child can know exactly (expect) what he would get if he does something. Think of how the law works in a country. You are free to steal and get what you want. But you will get what you don't want afterwards. The same thing when it comes to exercising my house law. I will have the patience to go over the same cause (a child action) and consequence (punishment/reward) process again and again. The punishment doesn't have to be severe, but consistent each time. I have faith the child will eventually get the point.
The last thing I want to do is that I lose my cool. Fortunately, it's safe to say I had very few this kind of moments, almost none. When a parent gets upset from time to time, a child would have to act according to the parent's moods instead of the rules. He would break the rules behind you. He will become rebellious with you sometime down the road. He would not be honest with you in a long run.
And who would say that time-out is any less severe if the parent does it amidst an anger outburst? I don't think the spanking from my childhood did any number on me psychologically. My parents spanked me and went out with their business. I knew I broke the rules and I didn't break their heart.
I've never spanked Sienna and I believe that I will never. That's not because I think spanking is a wrong thing to do. There are other forms of penalties, time-out for example, that can work out equally well if you do it the right way with consistency. I might choose spanking as an option for punishment if there is not so much moral accusation attached to it.
We need some form of punishment and rewards in raising a child. Let it be spanking or time-out or deprivation of privileges. I tell my daughter again and again by words and by action what she will get as a result when she does something or does do something. I even allow her to act up the way she wants, given that she gets her punishment afterwards.
There should be clear rules as what are punishable. So that the child can know exactly (expect) what he would get if he does something. Think of how the law works in a country. You are free to steal and get what you want. But you will get what you don't want afterwards. The same thing when it comes to exercising my house law. I will have the patience to go over the same cause (a child action) and consequence (punishment/reward) process again and again. The punishment doesn't have to be severe, but consistent each time. I have faith the child will eventually get the point.
The last thing I want to do is that I lose my cool. Fortunately, it's safe to say I had very few this kind of moments, almost none. When a parent gets upset from time to time, a child would have to act according to the parent's moods instead of the rules. He would break the rules behind you. He will become rebellious with you sometime down the road. He would not be honest with you in a long run.
And who would say that time-out is any less severe if the parent does it amidst an anger outburst? I don't think the spanking from my childhood did any number on me psychologically. My parents spanked me and went out with their business. I knew I broke the rules and I didn't break their heart.
I've never spanked Sienna and I believe that I will never. That's not because I think spanking is a wrong thing to do. There are other forms of penalties, time-out for example, that can work out equally well if you do it the right way with consistency. I might choose spanking as an option for punishment if there is not so much moral accusation attached to it.
posted by minimum at
7:54 AM
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