Rules for a Mother's Role

Scenario One: A 3-year-old girl learned that everyone in her class was invited to John's birthday party but her. The mother was more pissed than the girl. She wanted to invite the whole class to her daughter's party but that boy...

Scenario Two: A 7-year-old girl brings food to school but her best friend keeps asking for her food. The girl is bothered. So is the mother. But the girl couldn't say "no" as her mom suggested her of doing...

Scenario Three: A 4-year-old girl keeps being scratched on the face and arm by a same age bully at school. The mother doesn't know if she should go in there and give that bully boy a lesson...

The repeating theme in these is an over-protective or over-worried mother who is somehow helpless because of their very own natures. It's only natural to think that we need to protect our children even at the expense of our own life. But it's more difficult but more important to learn that we need to help them to protect themselves whenever they can. They are the ones who eventually will end up dealing with the world. It's never too early to get them ready for that.

So the number one rule for the role of a mother is to let the child take a role whenever she can, under your watchful eyes. You can always ask how the child feels about the situation, i.e., hurt, angry, mad... You feel how much s/he can take and what she can do. You give SUGGESTIONS with different OPTIONS as what s/he can do in her/his own right to change or improve the situation.

So going back to these scenarios.

Scenario One: "Honey, can you ask John why that you weren't invited?" "Maybe his mom forgot to write you an invite card -- sounds like something that I would have done. In that case, could you ask him not to forget the next time." "Not everybody gets invited to a birthday party. You will get to pick only some kids too." "Do you want to ask him to ask his mom, that you like to go if there is still space?"

Scenario Two: "What does your friend like the most? Could you tell her to wait and you can ask if your mom can get a whole bunch for her later?" "Do you like the food she brings? Can you ask to her exchange the food with you? That would be a fun thing to do, isn't it?"

Scenario Three: "Can you tell the teacher right away when he does it again next time?" "Can you tell the teacher when you are afraid that he will hit again next time?" "Can you tell him not to hit you again or else you will teach the teacher?" "Can you say to him 'no' loud and clear?"

For Scenario Three, I would hope she has the guts to hit him back. I know it's wrong to tell them to take the law into their own hands. But I really want the kid to have this kind of attitude but seek other option.

And there are different solutions depending on the situation. The bottom line is trying to get the kid involved in protecting themselves as much as you can.