A Mother Isn't All Mighty
Ballet is off due to the broken arm. Fun must continue, off the TV screen. In the morning, I took Sienna to a provincial government-run early years centre to join Olivia's bunch. Sienna is probably like me, a girl's girl. She is emotionally attached to her friends and is very loyal. Since she was 2 and half years old, she started forming these amazing unions with her little girl pals. First it was Erin. Now it's Olivia. And of course she has big sister Rachel and big brother Jordan... This is not my point though.
At the center, Sienna and Olivia started playing big blocks while they were stubbornly blocking away another girl who wanted to join them. I was observing their social mis-behaviours with curiosity. I did bring up the concept of "sharing" but I didn't say much. Then the center's caretaker came over and started her teaching about "sharing", calmly and firmly, "if you don't share it with others. Others won't share it with you." The two girls just went, "no, I don't want to share..." So I felt I had to say something more sternly, "Sienna, if you don't want to share. We are not coming here next time." Since my words were out, I will make sure that I make her promise the next time we come.
I admit that if the caretaker hadn't come over, I would not have interfered as much as I did. Here is my thinking. Sienna is already placed in a social system, being the school for now. Some parents are quick jump in to protect when their kids are bullied or to scold when they bully others. I would rather take a stand-off stand and watch as long as things are well with the limit of control. These are part of the experiences from which she will learn and grow into a fine social being.
In an incident like this, I only need to show her my stand about right and wrong. My further interference won't affect much of her behaviour since I am not there with her all the time in her social settings. If my teaching fails to fall through, which was very likely in this case, it will discount my future ability to discipline her. And it would increase my chance of being an annoying mama who is complainer rather than a disciplinarian.
A mother isn't all mighty. A mother isn't pervasive everywhere and all the time. I would rather concentrate on our relationship between a mother and a daughter, and between one friend to another. This is where I can do with consistency and constancy.
At the center, Sienna and Olivia started playing big blocks while they were stubbornly blocking away another girl who wanted to join them. I was observing their social mis-behaviours with curiosity. I did bring up the concept of "sharing" but I didn't say much. Then the center's caretaker came over and started her teaching about "sharing", calmly and firmly, "if you don't share it with others. Others won't share it with you." The two girls just went, "no, I don't want to share..." So I felt I had to say something more sternly, "Sienna, if you don't want to share. We are not coming here next time." Since my words were out, I will make sure that I make her promise the next time we come.
I admit that if the caretaker hadn't come over, I would not have interfered as much as I did. Here is my thinking. Sienna is already placed in a social system, being the school for now. Some parents are quick jump in to protect when their kids are bullied or to scold when they bully others. I would rather take a stand-off stand and watch as long as things are well with the limit of control. These are part of the experiences from which she will learn and grow into a fine social being.
In an incident like this, I only need to show her my stand about right and wrong. My further interference won't affect much of her behaviour since I am not there with her all the time in her social settings. If my teaching fails to fall through, which was very likely in this case, it will discount my future ability to discipline her. And it would increase my chance of being an annoying mama who is complainer rather than a disciplinarian.
A mother isn't all mighty. A mother isn't pervasive everywhere and all the time. I would rather concentrate on our relationship between a mother and a daughter, and between one friend to another. This is where I can do with consistency and constancy.
posted by minimum at
12:31 PM
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