Two Notebooks

Before I make a decision to become unhappy, unsettling, floating and disorganized, I decided to resort to two small but significant things to avoid any of those states of mind I was almost ready to sink into.

First, I am returning to my iBook notebook and carry on my blogging. I went into a hiatus on the blogland because of my involvement with a website project. Then my mother’s diagnose of cancer on a kidney and the operation to remove it threw me off balance. Everyday is still full of things that usually would set me in a happy mood. Sienna is blossoming just like a summer flower. However, I feel guilty to enjoy myself fully. And I don’t feel entitled to express my petty little joy while knowing my mother has just narrowly escaped her life and is suffering from the scare. I talk to her everyday and we are going to go visit her in the next couple of months. Everything confirms that we should bounce back from this brief & scary encounter with the devil and move on with a deeper sense of blessings.

Looking back at the past two years, keeping my blog had helped keeping my day on track. It’s like a thread that strings the beads together. I only write a very small portion of my day to day experience. Whatever I’ve picked to write though reminds me of so many other things that have not been accounted for in words. I am feeling at loss when days go by without blogging and leaving a tangible trace of my existence.

The second thing responsible for my own salvation is a notebook of a different kind. It’s a real paper palm-sized notebook for keeping my to-do-list, thoughts and contact info . Being a quarter of a geek, I could have gotten a palm electronic gadget. But, no. Paper is more humane and most portable. I have been much busier getting involved with the husband’s career since he regained his fame almost overnight after over a decade’s of absence from home. New opportunities are presenting themselves. People are approaching him for his benefit and / or their own. We are entering a stage of life with a lot of dramatic and drastic changes. So many things to do. A lot of them only take a little time to do. In my case, it takes so much time and a determined mind to get to them because I don’t like changes of any sort.

I understand it’s good to look for changes and challenges. I on the other hand constantly looking for the sustaining power to cope with what is thrown upon me. That’s not any less of an effort. I believe these small objects, i.e. two notebooks will help me in a big way to go with the currents and prevail in the amidst the changes and challenges.