fighting battles to avoid a war

on the mother board (bbs board for mothers with kids born march 3001 at babycenter.com), the discussion right now is on what to do if your kid keeps chaning her/his mind about what to eat. they ask for someting, don't finish it and then ask for something else.

sienna does that sometimes too. it could have been a lot more serious if no measures had been taken to curb that tendency.

so when she askes for a bagel. before i give it to her, i would ask, "sienna, are you sure this is what you want? if i bring you the bagel, you cannot have anything else until you have your bagel." she might change her mind at this point. that's fine. we can have fun discussing what to have. if she makes up her mind though, i will make sure she has my words too. i really won't give her anything else even if she brings down the roof. if she throws a tantrum, i will help wipe her tears or hug her or comfort her -- i don't normally try to stop her from crying. she cannot have what she wants, then at least she should have the freedom to shed some tears and to express her disappointment. but i don't get emotionally affected by her crying. call me "cruel", but no pita, no bread or anything else for that matter, even she has nothing else to eat for that meal.

sometimes i do give in. for example, she might change her mind to have oatmeal instead of cheerios that she asked originally. i think oatmeal is better if she wants it. in that case though, i would find an excuse for myself to give in. "oh, you forgot you just had cheerio yesterday, right? let's have oatmeal. mommy loves to cook oatmeal. you cannot change your mind on this one anymore."

i try to fight little battles with her. sometimes i win and i let her know the reason. sometimes she wins and i let her know the reason too. this way, hopefully we don't ever need to stage a war in the future.